So here I am, sitting at my computer doing exactly what I shouldn't. I have another research summary due tomorrow and am I getting it done? No. Instead I'm sitting here frustrated beyond belief because I'm so good at taking my frustrations about life out on the people I care for most. Why can't I just accept when someone tries to help me?
Today I finally heard back from Brooke at the Florida Hospital Foundation. Bottom line: my job security that I've been counting on all year no longer exists. I don't have the time to look for a job.
You ever just sit and cry... you don't want to but you can't help it? I know everything will turn out okay in the end, but I feel as if my life has been turned upside down. I feel lost at the moment.
Anyway, everytime I feel the need to cry, but can't, I turn on my Superchick CD because its just so real. Without fail, it seems that there is always a song to fit my situation... at least in some way. So this evening is no exception. Here are the lyrics that did the trick tonight. Thanks Superchick!
Beauty from Pain
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn
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